Do Not See This Movie

In general, I'm pretty accepting of movies. I can tell a bad movie from a good one, but that fact that a movie is not a masterpiece doesn't get in the way of my enjoyment of it. So when I think a movie is unwatchable it really has to stink. Such is the case with The Weather Man. Kristen and I went to see a free showing of this cinematic disaster last Thursday. Neilson warned me--I believe his exact words were "What are you thinking? That movie looks horrible." But how I could I pass up a free movie? Also it co-stars Hope Davis, who usually has pretty good taste. How bad was it? Well, we left about an hour in, so I can't give you a full report, but suffice it to say it may be the worst movie I have ever seen. For one thing, unless incredibly well done, movies about the difficulties of being a middle-class white male are inherently annoying--I understand there are pressures and difficulties that come with being born into this position, but it still gives you more advantages than just about any other one in our society, except that of a rich, white male. Then, a major plot in the movie is how fat Nicholas Cage's daughter is and how difficult and disappointing her appearance is for the entire family. The young actress is repeatedly humiliated by discussions about her weight, by wearing ill-fitting clothes, and by endless allusions to the fact that, because of her tight pants, the boys in her school call her cameltoe. (If you don't know the meaning of that phrase, I am not going to explain it, but it is certainly an inappropriate thing to call a little girl. The movie makes it worse by having images of cameltoes flash across Nicholas Cage's mind. I have no idea why this little girl's parents allowed her to be in this movie, but she is going to be angry about it later.) The final straw was the plot twist, played almost for laughs, in which Cage's son was molested by his drug rehabilitation counselor. That is when we decamped for a tasty Indian restaurant nearby. I know this movie isn't getting great reviews, but none of the ones I have read come close to suggesting just how distasteful, how really God-awful, it is. Don't let any lingering affection you have for Nicholas Cage from Valley Girl or Vampire's Kiss or Raising Arizona lure you into this film. He may have recently named his son after Superman, but he has gone to the dark side for good.